Losing Myself - exploring emotions through my art - Painting 5

When words and emotions are used as weapons - especially from those we love - self-questioning begins.  Self confidence slowly disappears. 

Through this journey out of abuse, my inner voice whispered and then began to scream.  I thought about myself, "I must be annoying", "I'm not a good person", "If only I was prettier, then I would be valuable", "No one likes me", and on and on.  Old memories would play in my mind, confirming to myself that all of my thoughts were true.  I put all of my energy into "doing" things to prove myself valuable.  My own thoughts, interests, questions, and self care all became secondary to trying to prove my value to others.  I was being erased like the reflection in this painting I named "Fragments".

I still struggle with my confidence, but thankfully I'm now determined to use tools that I've discovered such as therapy, reading, exercise, building relationships and meditating to keep growing.  However, the healing journey isn't a linear path and  emotions still come and go - some positive, others negative.  

 read the next blog post in this series here