Bargaining - exploring emotions through my art - Painting 2
I weaved the path that I took going through abuse one painting at a time. After the shock of what was happening settled. I found myself bargaining. I would think of a hundred reasons why the situation wasn't so bad. I hoped that things could still change and thought that perhaps if I changed myself enough, the abuse would end. Through this bargaining phase was born the idea for the painting "En Pointe", the ballet dance where the ballerina is on the tips of her toes. The dance begins as we try to put things back the way they were in the beginning of the relationship. If only we did things perfectly we would be accepted again, or if only we said the right things others wouldn't be angry, and the list goes on.
I painted this woman sitting proper in her pretty yellow skirt, doing everything she could to please, just to keep the peace. She fades into background illustrating how we lose ourselves in this dance to please others. This phase of the journey can last years, usually until the pain becomes intolerable. It is often intertwined with shock and the various phases that are to follow, before an awareness sets in that our dance is ineffective and is actually damaging our souls.
read the next post in this blog series
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